Thursday, November 30, 2006
Identification is the first step...
Instead, we have been working on our financial future and making plans to meet our goals. We identified our major flaw when it comes to money management and goal setting. We realized that we are impulsive when making purchasing decisions, overriding our prior goals and plans when something better comes along. Ex. 1: the couch. Originally we were going to buy a new couch with our tax return in the Spring. We would have the money, we wouldn't have to impact our monthly budget at all. Well, I found the perfect couch at the perfect price and we bought it. I shouldn't have even been looking at couches until it was time to buy because I know myself well enough to know that once i start looking, I am going to want to purchase something soon. Ex. 2: our st. thomas vacation. We were not going on a trip this year because we wanted to put the money towards either the house or our debt. Then we get a great deal, which is still way more than nothing, and go ahead and do it.
Let me be clear, I don't regret either of these purchases. What I regret is that I was unable to stick to my goals. I regret not being able to look at the larger picture. Part of my issue is that this seems to be a symbol of ungratefulness, always wanting more, as if what I have isn't good enough. I will continue to think this through and work out how I can change my thought patterns.
book club reflections
- why it would be easier to be conservative, fundamentalist, traditionalist
- why i am strangely unaffected by world politics/issues
- what i can do/what i want to do
- why i support ability grouping
- getting people involved in local politics--being a model and source of information
- materialism, consumerism--how it is related to privilege, or is it?
- racial identity
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
NEW COUCH!!!
We bought the Workbench couch off Craigslist, from a home with no kids or pets.
I am also proud because we negotiated for the price. Something we don't do ever. Yeah Us!!
We are going to take our old sofa bed couch to the recycle center and let them decide if it can be sold, or if it should be dumped.
I didn't do my seven things today. Unless, the huge pile of paper I recycled counts. Which, now that I think about it, it does.
Ok, now I am off to work on Winter Holiday cards.
Monday, November 27, 2006
7 things and winter holidays
I shouldn't think this way, I know, but it doesn't seem to have made one bit of difference so far. I know it's not really true, but that 's how I'm feeling.
OTOH, I thought of a cute, creative gift for our families that ties into my environmental consciousness. We are going to decorate, with sponges and handprints, a set of 4 cloth napkins for our families. I bought the sets of napkins new because it's getting down to the wire, and I also bought the paint and sponges, but that was not a huge expense. Leo is very excited about getting started! We will start tomorrow after school. Wish me luck!!!
Sunday, November 26, 2006
shopping
I did make one purchase, though. A small gift for Taurus. It is something she not only wants, but will use.
It felt good to spend time with my friend, and I didn't mind that she wanted to shop, but I had no interest whatsoever.
7 things
2. roof of playhouse--we have had this for over a year. the playhouse itself was thrown away 9 months ago, but this never made it to the dump. It is now waiting in the van for me to take it to its final resting place.
3. electronic globe--a gift from 2 years ago, that was made for kids but not designed for kids.
4. a sand/water table--i stubbed my toe on this contraption more times than the kids played with it at our new house. It is ready to be loved by someone new.
5. faded/worn/ripped clothes--ready to be recycled.
6. monthly magazine from november--the month is over.
7. crocs--One of Leo's birthday presents that has been in the car since August. He can finally wear them, just in time for winter. ;) No, but really, he will be able to take them on our winter Caribbean vaction.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
7 things
My current problem, one that I hope to solve next week, is actually getting the stuff OUT of the house. I have it bagged, boxed, and in the garage, but it will do me no good if I don't get it out soon.
I am sure this is a common problem, but I feel guilty giving away things people bought for my kids. Even though I have asked many, many times not to buy them more stuff. 3 of the items I donated of my daughter's still had tags on them. I know I just need to get over it, but I don't want them to think we are ungrateful. Actually, that's not it either. I don't want the stuff, and I wish they would listen to me, but at the same time I don't want to hurt their feelings. I wish there was a way for them to realize that they are wasting their money, but they just can't/won't.
Tonight I will be going into the basement to find my seven things. On the surface, it seems like it should be an easy task. But, I don't think it will be. Things are strewn about, and not well-organized, which makes it difficult to figure out what to discard.
I feel badly that I am not freecycling more things. I would like to give them away, but that takes more time and energy than I have right now. We can't do it all; we have to make choices, and this is my choice. I need to keep repeating that to myself.
thanksgiving
I am so thankful for my family. As nutty as they make me, they love me and I them.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
2007 Goal--amended again
Something NBA and I talked about today was how we need to break the cycle of doing really well, then bingeing. I think it's because in the past we have always had to cut back and not spend because we literally didn't have any money, so we saw it as depriving ourselves of what we wanted. THEN, when we got money again, we went crazy, causing the problem to rear its ugly head again.
This time, for me at least, feels different. I am doing it because I want to live more in line with my values, I want to show my gratitude for all that I have been given.
I don't feel deprived; I feel empowered. I feel like I am taking charge of my life.
7 things--day 4
Monday, November 20, 2006
7 things--day 3
Realized that 90% of clothes in closet are mine. Uh oh!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
2007 related goal
Also, we will probably not be able to take a big family vacation next year. The $2000 we would spend is half the money needed to pay off the Honda or 1 semester of tuition. Our future trips will be much more enjoyable if we are not worried about how much they are costing us, what else we could be doing with the money, or thinking about how we are going to pay for them.
I want to break the cycle of consumption and debt, even if that means making some difficult lifestyle choices temporarily.
I want to live completely cash-based next year. We can still use the credit card to get points, but it will be paid in full each month! I want to end the year with a significantly LOWER debt number than this year.
Spending extra money paying off the Honda does not equal using the credit card to fuel our consumption-based lifestyle.
not looking good
NEW Goal for 2007--PAY off Honda
2007
The great thing about this one goal is that it requires a bunch of other changes that I also want to incorporate into my life. However, seeing it in terms of dollars and cents, and watching the numbers go down on our debts, will help motivate me more than any other reason.
NBA and I both agree that he would be a wonderful stay-at-home parent. However, our current financial situation makes that an impossibility. Even if I were to get a job right now, we could not afford to live. That is absolutely disgusting. It makes me sick to think of how much we currently "need" to live. By paying off our debt, we would be gaining so much more freedom. Freedom to live in accordance with our values; freedom to spend time/money working for positive change in the world; freedom to be together.
Ok, so how do we even begin? Well, the first thing we need to do is know exactly how big of a hole we are in. We have done this many times, and hopefully this time it will stick.
Next, we need to know how much it would cost each month to reduce our debt by, let's say 25%.
Then, we need to pay that FIRST, and learn to live on what's left over.
The learning to live on what's left over is where my simplicity environmental, and community-building goals will come to play. We will be shopping less, eating out less, driving less, spending more time together, using the library more, hanging out with friends more, being more active, visiting more parks, having more picnics...Which will lead to weight loss, lower energy consumption, making connections, engaging in the world.
I am feeling very galvanized by all of these posts and thoughts recently.
7 things--day 2
I also moved out some household items that were obstacles during my morning cleaning. The basket where we store dvds was too full to put the ones laying beside it in, so I got rid of two of them that the kids have not watched in 6 months. Voila! enough room. The cheap (in price and quality) lunch containers I bought and don't use because they leak and don't close, that I keep shoving back in the cabinet--GONE!
I know I am supposed to limit myself to 7 items daily, but I am operating with a sense of heightened awareness so I will also make changes during my daily routines.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
small steps
I asked the person at the food counter to fill my water bottle instead of using a disposable cup.
I did not drive 20 miles out of my way to window shop.
Total money spent today:$38.00 ($18.00 dinner; $20.00 tickets)
I made tea at home, and drank it with a homemade chocolate muffin.
Completed my first 7 things day.
Reached out to a friend.
7 things--day 1
Stay tuned for a list (and maybe pictures) of my first 7...
UPDATE: Well, day 1 is done. I recycled three items of clothing, and put 4 away to donate. It didn't even make a dent, but I only did 7. I am going to stick to this plan, and not get carried away.One recycled item only needed to be sewn, but I've been holding on to it for 3 months, and it was time for it to go. There were two items with tags still on, and I've had them for over a year. They went. One pair of jeans that no longer fit well, gone. I am looking forward to tomorrow. There were some other potential items, but they need to be tried on first, so I will do that in the morning.
I fear that I may spend one or two of my seven weeks with my clothes alone. I don't know why I fear it, but...there it is. I think because this house is so big and there is so much stuff that needs attention. STOP! Stop catastrophizing, and just keep working through it, one day at a time.
What I learned: I need to learn to sew.
7 things
Although I am decreasing my spending dramatically for the next 18 months, I will allow myself to purchase items related to this project. For example, the pictures that need to be framed so they can be displayed--I am allowed to buy frames. the kids' artwork that needs to be displayed more lovingly--i am allowed to purchase items to create an art gallery. Within reason, I am allowed to purchase replacement items for those things which are broken, unusable, unsafe. E.g., replacing tupperware with corningware.
This is a post describing the inspiration for my new plan. I have adapted it to fit my short attention span, and to helping with my secondary goal of decorating and making my house a home.
http://clutter-queen.blogspot.com/2006/07/seven-things.html
Guidelines
Each week for a year, I will get rid of seven things. Rather than throwing these things in the
garbage, I will give them away so that they can serve a useful purpose elsewhere. Perhaps a charity can sell the goods to raise funds for the organization's good work. Maybe a friend could use the items because she doesn't have them. Maybe a freecycler is in need of something that I have and no longer use.
Reasoning
I want to focus more wholly on needing, wanting, desiring and acquiring less. It seems to me that physical clutter mirrors mental clutter. I am so overwhelmed by the enormous number of things I've kept around only because I'm afraid to get rid of them, that I'm overwhelmed by these things not only on a physical level, but also on a spiritual level. It's too much.
Documentation
I will also document this journey by taking photographs of the items and describing how long I've owned the item, why I haven't rid myself of them until now, and to whom I chose to give them. Perhaps this journey help me to become more conscious of the things in my life so that I no longer feel the need to accumulate new things.
gifts
13. my health
14. smiles on my kids' faces when their dad returns home
15. clementines
16. money to buy groceries
17. ability to separate my head from my spirit (some days that is the only thing keeping me alive)
18. martha and buice (gave me the gift of unconditional grandparent love)
19. laler, g-father, grammy, popi, grammy jo (giving my kids the gift of unconditional grandparent love)
20. exploration
21. patience
22. compassion
23. drive to succeed
24. coffee and tea
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Personal DNA
My Personal Dna Report
Not sure what I think of the results. Some of it is spot-on, but I'll need to ponder it a little more.
one thousand gifts
7. my mom (even if she moves away)
8. waking up without an alarm clock
9. Bryant Elementary School
10. FUMCN
11. neighborhood Kroger
i found it!
I am not resting on my laurels, however. I am soon going to start my other work that should be done by Saturday, and then begin work on a project for the 28th. Yeah, baby, that's 11 days away and I am already thinking about it!!!
The kids and I had a great evening. They played really well. I cooked dinner! We had a surprise movie night. Which was great for the whole 30 minutes they were interested in it. I shouldn't complain that my kids don't watch tv, but it is nice to have them quiet and in one place for a while.
I am feeling some peace and contentment right now. I don't know if it's because I've exercised 4 days in a row or what, but I'll take it. I will use this time quite productively to carry me through the valley which might follow.
My friendships are really growing and blossoming, and I am so thankful for that. There is one that I need to tend to, and I will, but for the most part they are great!
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
another day
I also exercised for the second day in a row. Go me! I am still really weak, but I am adopting a day-by-day philosophy.
My body is still exhausted--I don't know why I can never have any energy. I am going to look into a SAD light and vitamins. When I get the energy.
Nothing else from me today. Not walking very lightly today, I'm afraid.
Monday, November 13, 2006
I also spent time with the kids--Leo is changing so much it's amazing. He is such a thoughtful, kind kid who is wonderfully clueless in the ways of the world. He's got a great group of friends, he loves school and basketball, and still has a great imagination.
Taurus was sick for two days. She just wanted to lie down with her blankie, not sleeping, not watching tv, just lying down. This was her first sickness in a very long time, and I know now that the most important thing to do for her when she is sick is to clear my lap and let her snuggle. She enjoys the quiet stillness of just sitting together.
I exercised today, and it was a painful reminder of what has been missing in my life. Pilates has been great, but my cardio capacity has suffered greatly over these past 3 months of no regular exercise. I could only last for 30 minutes. Definitely an area to work on. Just addin' it to the list.
I am reading a new book, Nothing's too Small to Make a Difference. It is another step in getting my head and spirit aligned on my journey. The title alone is so powerful. Bringing my own grocery bags to the store yesterday made a difference. Choosing an online class so I don't have to drive 100 miles a week makes a difference.
I am off to continue taking the first step--setting the timer for 30 minutes and working. After that, I can keep going or move to something else without guilt.
Sunday, November 12, 2006
one thousand gifts--1
- school friends who motivate me
- a job i like that gives me ample study time (when i choose to use it)
- a husband who is 100% involved in our family
- safe, reliable transportation
- a computer at home
{Interesting note: most of these gifts allow me to procrastinate and not use my time wisely. I have unlimited computer access; I do not need to be done with a project before the library closes at 6. I have 2 cars at my disposal, so I do not need to be organized to leave in time to catch the bus or walk to work. My job does not forbid reading or studying while on duty. I am not on my feet all day. Looking at it through this lens, I realize that I take these gifts for granted, instead of treating them like the blessings they are. I will not make any huge pronouncements about how I am changing my patterns of behavior right here and now, but I will promise to think about it.}
One Thousand Gifts---initial thoughts
John Milton wrote: "Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world." I am not in a place of big change in my life right now--no moves, babies, job changes, health concerns--so there is the tendency to overlook the everyday things that are also worthy of excitement, praise, and gratitude. I remember feeling slightly jealous when my friend moved away that she got to start down a new path. Intellectually, I know that I have the same opportunity every morning when I wake up, and at many times throughout the day. My spirit and heart, however, are not so convinced. Hopefully this process will help convince them to join my head in this important paradigm shift.
The Gift List is about gratitude... but it is more. It is about what defines me and my own personal identity. Maybe if I can get in touch with me again, I can regain my joie de vivre and truly begin moving forward on my journey. Actually, I am constantly moving forward, but I would like to move forward with a joyful, content spirit and heart that will sustain me during the turbulent times.
blah
I have some good posts in my head about spirituality and kids, our Christmas present solution, housekeeping, and my relationship with NBA, but they won't make their way to the screen. Maybe next week...
Thursday, November 09, 2006
day 6
Well, starting study group/homework club is one positive step. By Thanksgiving I will have it organized and ready to start right after the holidays.
I also want to think about how my new profession can help. What can we do, as librarians, to ensure people have continued access to institutions and funds? Joining BCALA is a first step.
There has to be a fundamental change in how we see ourselves in relation to others.
More later…
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
day 5
On a much happier note, today is NBA's birthday! I can't believe he is 34, and that I have known him since he was 18. I love him as much today as I ever did! He is so supportive of everything I do. He is such a great father, husband, son, son-in-law, co-worker, brother, friend, everything. I love him to pieces!!! As much as his work travel gets on my nerves, I love having him at home. Even when I am super mad at him, I still want to be with him. I just want to tell him all about himself. I am truly blessed with a great husband who works incredibly hard to support and nurture his entire family.
I am going to retire on that note of graditude.
Until tomorrow...
Monday, November 06, 2006
day 4
I stopped putting other people's feelings before my own and my children's, and turned down a playdate so Leo could have time to himself and with his sister. It felt really good to stand up for him like that. I must do it more often!
Nothing I did today led me down a simpler path. I know I will have days like this, but I hope they are fewer and farther between.
Gift update: One of the g-parents came through!!! She took one of our suggestions for non-tangible gifts!!!! I am soo excited. Leo is going to go through the roof when he opens his gift. Taurus will be able to continue becoming a ballerina. I am so happy and thankful. I hope this can become a trend. Now, to work with the other people...
I woke up this morning. It was harder than yesterday, but I did it. After completing one chapter, I did get back into bed, but by then the kids were snuggled with me, so it worked out nicely. I am going to work on another chapter for 40 minutes, and be in bed by 9:30. Tomorrow's early morning will be spent cleaning and working.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
creativity and simplicity
I woke up early this morning to work; it was hard getting up, but I am glad I did. I got some work accomplished, and was not fretting about it over breakfast with my family.
Today I had one of my more focused days at work. I pretty much worked the whole time--no procrastinating or mindless web surfing. For the past two days, I have really worked hard to use the time I am given wisely so that I don't lose out on time with my family. I like how I feel and what gets crossed off my list, so I hope this can become a pattern.
Saturday, November 04, 2006
day 3
This morning I learned that waking up early to get work done is a great way to feel productive and set a positive tone for my day. I need to plan my life so that I go to bed early, and wake up early to get at least one hour to myself for working. That alone is an additional 7 hours per week that does not take time away from my family.
Goal for the week: Wake up early to get work done!!
What this will accomplish: Additional study time without cost
How to get it done: Go to bed at a reasonable time
Friday, November 03, 2006
day 2
This is related to simplicity because I am focusing my energy on one thing--something I am passionate about and want to do.
Another part of simplicity that I need to work on embracing is letting go of guilt and frustration that I cannot do it all. Today I was fairly successful. I was not able to make my son's first basketball game because I needed to get one part of an assignment completed. I knew that his dad would be with him, and I had just spent special time with him the previous night, AND I explained to him what was happening. It felt good! I was focused on my work and I was able to find out about the game when I got home. Part of the reality of life is that I can't do everything, so I just need to choose wisely WHAT I do.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
day 1
As the holidays approach and people begin asking for my children's Christmas lists, I become emboldened to remember my goal of decluttering our lives and home. I have suggested that grandparents pay for lessons/classes that my kids are interested in or send them tickets to sporting/music/ performance events that they would enjoy. I am somewhat saddened by the lack of response this has garnered. It makes sense on so many levels.
I am also challenging myself to remember quality over quantity. It is not important how many presents they have to open, but that the presents they do have will be played with and used!
This week I cancelled a meeting with a school group because it was feeling like an obligation, rather than a mutually beneficial event. I have also been spending less time mindlessly trolling the internet.
I need to commit to a system like FlyLady, but right now it seems like it would be cluttering my life more than helping. I will continue to read the materials and familiarize myself with the system, and decide later.
I also need to work on scheduling my time. I really do have enough hours in my day; I just have to use them efficiently!
Ok, I have enough food for thought and plans to get started on. See ya tomorrow!!
30 days of posting
I am finding that this process really is 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Everytime I make some positive strides--cooking instead of eating out, taking the bus instead of driving, choosing activities that don't cost money--something causes me to lose my stride. I hope that documenting my steps will motivate me to keep going, even when the going gets tough.
I found a webpage that defines 10 kinds of simplicity. http://www.simpleliving.net/content/custom_garden_of_simplicity.asp
- choiceful simplicity
- commercial simplicity
- compassionate simplicity
- ecological simplicity
- elegant simplicity
- frugal simplicity
- natural simplicity
- political simplicity
- soulful simplicity
- uncluttered simplicity
Each day I will focus my posts on one of these elements, reflecting on how I implemented in my daily life and concrete ways I will/can.
By the end of the month, I should have a working plan for my life--just in time for the new year!!!