weekly goals apr 30-may 3

bake cupcakes for M's party
make rice krispie treats for school on Tues--done Tues morning
Clean M's room and basement for party --spent time on both Monday (about 2 hours total), still not done
Organize dress up clothes for party
Buy jewelry for party --done Monday
Decorate house for party
Plan treasure hunt for party
Plan/buy food for party--done Monday
Thank you cards

walk M, T, W, Th
run 2 days

pack clothes for trip
pack car toys for trip
twist my hair
do M's hair
L's clothes to and from cleaners

cook from pantry/freezer
clean bottom cupboard--sort tupperware for Mom

now for a look at the numbers

I spent some time today looking at our finances and updating spreadsheets. We are definitely making progress. It is slow, but each time I update and the final number goes down, I feel better.

I rolled the payment amount for the Honda into the CC payment as soon as it was paid off. I did it officially through the credit union. We thought we might just do it ourselves each month, but I knew how that would end up. It would get absorbed into our monthly vortex and never make it to the cc.

Spending time with our finances helped strengthen my resolve to spend less and more wisely so that we can get out of debt. Looking at the numbers makes it easy to see how $50 here and $25 there can really have an impact on the bottom line. What will bring me more happiness--a pair of shoes or watching our debt shrink? I won't lie--the shoes. BUT, I am retraining myself to make it the debt. It's not as if I need the shoes. If I did, I would buy them. I just want them. But, I also want to be debt-free. So, who wins?

I need to remember to check the numbers more often. Now that we have been making progress for an extended period of time, I get excited instead of frustrated. I see progress, however small, as a triumph. It serves as a motivator to do what I can to continue the downward trend.

still...while moving

5k in 38:40.

Running is still difficult.
I am still counting minutes after about 5.
I am still excited about it.
My body is still not sure about it.
I still have a long way to go.
Still, I have come so far.

failure and learning to let go

I just received a scathing evaluation of a project I completed for a professor this semester. He basically implied that my work was useless and the project was an utter failure.
I was very upset, not only because it is probably one of the first truly negative professional reviews I have gotten, but also because I felt blindsided. I tried contacting this person many times throughout the process, and never heard back.

I am not going into details because I am working on letting go and moving forward.
What I have learned:

I am too attached to what people think of me and my work.
I am unable to separate myself from my work; an indictment of my work is also a personal one.
I need to be more assertive and get what I need. (Even if that means being a pest.)
I catastrophize. (This is not the end of the world. My work was adequate for the other two professors.)
My intent and underlying feelings about things can manifest in different ways. (I did not want to take the project. I only took it to allow the class to move forward. Maybe the negative feelings were evident in the end result.)
I am not perfect. I can and will make mistakes. I need to work on processing, learning from them, and letting them go.

I can't stop thinking about it, though. I am working on acknowledging the thought and moving on. If I can't make the thoughts stop, I can reduce their power and hold over me.

what i'm doing right

To rejuvenate myself and refocus my energies on reducing my footprint, I am going to make a list of the things I do that are in line with how I want to live. Every time I do this, I hope the list gets longer.
Here goes...

• L takes bus to school.
• we recycle consistently.
• I use reusable bags 80% of the time.
• I buy used.
• we use the library.
• I use reusable water bottle about 60% of the time.
• I walked around the neighborhood this morning, instead of driving to the Y.
• I have been making iced tea to drink.
• I have been decluttering my house.

Random Dots of Monday

• Today I experienced an actual cost of being disorganized. I only got to work out for 15minutes instead of 25 because I didn't have everything I needed to take M to swimming at the Y.
• Living in the moment with the kids and my family is difficult. I am shocked at how much I tune out what is around me. I will do better.
• Not reading blogs is not as difficult as I anticipated. I am slowly weaning myself off them.
• My house is slowly coming along. I will have approx. 10 bags and boxes of stuff to donate on Thurs.
• I cooked dinner for my family today!
• No one watched tv today.

reflection

I had a very productive week.

• I finished one project for school, and completed about 60% of another.
• I bagged up 21 clothing items for donation.
• I started organizing our bedroom closet.
• I ran twice and walked daily.
• I cleaned the downstairs floors.

reflection

I had a very productive week.

• I finished one project for school, and completed about 60% of another.
• I bagged up 21 clothing items for donation.
• I started organizing our bedroom closet.
• I ran twice and walked daily.
• I cleaned the downstairs floors.

Computer Turn-off Week Challenge

Ok, I am doing it. I am taking back my time and energy and putting them into my kids, house, husband, and community. School is over, and I have no reason to be online all day. Checking email once a day is plenty. Besides, my husband has to be online for work, so if anything important gets delivered he can let me know.

Reading blogs and internet surfing are becoming a problem for me, seriously. I hope that stepping away and getting involved in other projects will help me regain a sense of balance.

This is what I will allow myself: A maximum of one hour per day online. It will occur after the kids go to bed, no "peeking" at my email during the daytime. This one will be hard since the laptop is always there, tempting me, taunting me, CALLING OUT TO ME!!! I think I will put it in the office and treat it as a desktop.

Here is what I hope to accomplish during the week:

• read my book club book, The River Where Blood is Born
• organize my bedroom closet and drawers
• gather items for donation pickup on Thursday
• bake at least one thing, preferably two
• organize M's clothes and bedroom
• put plants in blue outdoor planter
• paint trim in living room

running progress

5K 38:30

I am running at least 5 minutes at 5.5 mph.
My walk breaks are shorter and less frequent.
My legs are feeling stronger and less jiggly.

I have been doing at least 15 pushups daily since Sunday.
My arms and upper back feel stronger.

I have walked 30 minutes each day this week.

I am more aware of what I eat.

laundry

GOAL: to reduce the amount of laundry our family produces

Steps to get there:
1. hang up, fold, put away clothes that have been worn but are not dirty
2. reuse cloth napkins more than once (pick one for the day)
3. reduce the number of clothes we have in rotation
4. help the kids determine which clothes are truly dirty and teach them to put them away appropriately

I can finally tell that I have taken over 5 carloads of stuff to the Salvation Army, put 10 boxes of stuff out for Easter Seals of Toledo, and recycled who knows how much paper, in an effort to declutter my house. There are still lots of hot spots in the house, and lots of things that need to be organized, weeded, decluttered, but overall I can see progress. It is a nice feeling.

The next steps are going to be more time consuming and less visible to the eye--dealing with pictures, organizing the basement and office.

The most important upcoming step is developing these processes into habits that I do daily. There are areas that never get cleaned because I have to declutter them first, and then I run out of steam.

running progress

Mon, 4/15 1.7 miles in 20 minutes!

Mon 4/8, 39:30 5K; 60:00 4.5 miles; 86:00 10K

road trippin' with the kidlets

The kids and I had a GREAT time on our adventure to the Land of Anne of Cleves. I loved the museum dedicated to noisy music earlier generations hated. I realized again how important music is to my psyche and how much I enjoy it. I would love to go back there by myself so I can spend as much time as I want listening, watching, and learning about music, musicians, and the societies they create.

The kids loved the children's museum. They spent time in the Egyptian desert (a huge sandbox), explored various community locations, and did an excellent job negotiating with other kids. I, unfortunately, had to police other people's children because their parents weren't paying attention.
The hotel was great. We ordered room service, went for a swim, and watched a lot of tv. (There were two televisions, so L got to watch Sports Center ad nauseum and M got to indulge her love of Nick Jr. ( a treat reserved for hotels and grandparents' houses)

I, too, got to indulge my cable tv habits. While it was great for an evening of relaxing on vacation, I am sooo glad we do not have cable at home. I am not strong enough to resist it's pull, and would fall very easily into a couch potato lifestyle.

The Body Blues and Greens

Ok, none of my clothes are fitting, I look like I'm in my 2nd trimester, and the scale has gone back up to where it was a month ago. THIS SUCKS!! What it really means is that a) I don't exercise enough to support my eating habits, b) I can't take two weeks off from exercising, and c) I need to make some hard choices about my diet and live with them.

I am recommitting to the diet portion of my exercise plan. I will never become a better, faster runner with all this extra weight. Especially when my life gets crazy and I can't exercise, I need my diet to make up for it.

I need to spend some time figuring out why I sabotage myself. Every time I make significant progress, I find some way to undo it. What is up with that?!?!?

I have to commit to a vision of myself as I want to be. I think I am not able to see it. Or, seeing myself as a runner is less about my body and more about my mind. I need to join the two so that I can lose weight, tone my body, and become faster.

running and the art of letting go

Something I am truly enjoying about my running adventure is that I cannot make it go faster. I can't stay up all night and have a finished product in the morning. I cannot send my kids to my mom's for 2 days, work on it nonstop, and be done. No, this is truly a process. One that will take time, lots of time, and even then will not be complete. This is in stark contrast to the way I normally accomplish things in my life. I am an 11th hour girl; I push the limits of time.

Through running, I am experiencing the benefits setting mini goals. I am learning to value them and treat them with the importance they deserve. Running is also teaching me about the need for consistency and regularity. I cannot take 2 weeks off and jump right back to where I was. I must go back a few steps and build up from there. If I want to continue to progress and not just reach the same goals over and over, I need to run regularly and consistently.

daily graditude

1. not getting a ticket during M's dance class
2. someone turning in my wallet
3. not getting a ticket at the Y
4. my friend
5. my car
6. heat (the temp dropped 40 degrees)
7. high speed internet (can take classes from home)

I am a runner

Believe it and you shall see it.

Well, that is certainly true in my case. I have been thinking of and identifying myself as a runner for the past two weeks, and I am seeing it. I am seeing it in on my watch (the number of minutes spent running). I am seeing it on my feet (they would rather be running, however slowly, than walking during my walk breaks). I am seeing it in my choices (going out for a 30 min. run while my mom was here). My mind's eye is seeing it in my body of the future. In short, I am seeing it all around me. Actually, what I am truly seeing is me--me as a runner.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine! Actually, I feel better than fine; I feel amazing!!!!!!!