I’ve had a mixed week. I only made it to Step once, but I rode my bike to help with reading workshop. I didn’t do school work each night, but I did start a paper early. I didn’t cook or clean well, but I did go for a walk with a friend.
I have spent time reflecting and pondering who I am, who I want to be, and how to get there. I feel good about the path I am on—it is the path of consciousness. I am not working to change my habits or diet or create an extensive exercise plan. On the contrary, I am simply becoming aware of my life and the ways in which I spend my time. I am making myself conscious of my actions in relation to my goals. If I watch a Lifetime movie instead of working, it is going to be because I consciously decided to do so. When I eat dessert, it is going to be a conscious choice.
I need to increase my awareness of my life and the world around me. One of the reasons I am unhappily back in school is because I was not aware of the essence of the feelings and desires I had; all I knew was that I felt fulfilled when I was in school. I did not take the time to get to know what they were. Had I done that, I would have been able to look at my life and find opportunities for me to have those same feelings and desires. I would have seen how I what I am already doing can fulfill the needs I wanted school to fulfill. I would have spent more time looking at what I truly want to do/be in the world, and made choices based on a more accurate picture of myself, not the outdated one associated with my academic career.