I completed a 10K this morning on the treadmill at the Y. My time was 85:10. I didn't go all out because I didn't want to be exhausted all day. In fact, it worked out really well because my legs were sore, but not too sore to play some tennis with R and L at the park.
I realized that going back to school is no longer a goal of mine. I am going to finish the MLS program, but I have put the thought of a doctorate out of my mind. I enjoyed spending the evening at the park with my family and want to be able to give them more attention and actively participate in their lives. I realize how much I miss by working on weekends. I will be doing it for at least the next year, and then who knows. I don't want it to be a permanent thing; I enjoy all of us being together!
I have grown in the 2 years since I started thinking about school and doing something with my life. I now realize that I can make homemaking as intellectually challenging as I want it to be. All the things I am learning about (or wanting to learn about)--cooking, gardening (ha!), reducing our eco-footprint, housekeeping--are just as challenging if not more so than school.
I still want to work; it is good for my mind and soul. I like being a part of a community. Seeing people in the grocery store or at L's school that I 'know' from the library makes me happy. It is a small way of building community.
What I have realized is that life is what you make it and school was always it for me because that was all I had to concentrate on and I was good at it. Now that I have other things that need my attention and other things I want to spend time doing, there is no longer room for school. Or, a need for that matter.
To that end, I have decided that a happy family is more important than a 4.0 (which is impossible now, anyway, but that's not a story worth telling). I am striving for a 3.0. This is no longer my life; my kids and my family are my life and they are worth more to me than the satisfaction of an A. School is no longer my calling; that ship has sailed. I am looking for a new calling; one that combines my family and my needs, not separate them.